Real Rap: Cowardly Men

bob marley, love, black love, relationships, around the way curls
Why do some men do this? WHYYYYY? I can’t for the life of me understand it? This has happened to me and probably all of you reading before. I have been in situations where these cowardly lions have claimed to have gotten ‘scared’, where they were just straight up playing me and telling me what I wanted to hear and where they initiated and began a full-fledged relationship only to eventually back out. In the end, I questioned their motive. I often felt like I was fed false hope in order for them to receive the love that they wanted from me, not that they had any real feelings invested in the relationship that we had or were building.
 I have even been witness to men going as far as to profess their love to a woman, lay down with that woman with the intention of impregnating her and building a family with her only to in the end, be unfaithful, unclear and shaky about what they actually want from her, the relationship and for themselves. They then offer the most infuriating and haphazard explanation for their actions such as, “I f*cked up but I’m trying. I don’t want to loose you. I love you. One day I know I will be ready and I can only hope you are around for that”. What??? I’m not lying y’all I have loved ones that this has happened to… some kind of slap in the face huh? 
With this type of deceit and inconsistency running rampant within our community and our relationships how does one protect themselves from the lurking and alluring cowards out there? And why are they awakening our love without any intentions behind it?  To trap us? To increase their masculinity? What is it?
Take heed my friends. Take heed. Ladies, send this to your potential boo or already established boo and see what his response is. If it’s not to the effect of “Absolutely”, “Mmmmhmmm”, “I agree” or “He’s right” loose him. Read the signs and boogie bounce baby girl. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache in the end. I’m sending mine out now.
In the voice of so many beloved Around the Way Curls in every hood every where ask yourselves: 
“WHY HE DO THAT FOR?”
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21 thoughts on “Real Rap: Cowardly Men

    • Thanks Amanda. The only other thing I would want to add is not to be nervous about priomtong your blog. The reason I was so flattered to be chosen as the first featured blog is that it doesn’t come at all naturally to me. Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m a talker not a writer. But it is a huge boost to the confidence when people read what you’ve written and make positive comments. So its getting easier the more I do it. I look forward to reading all your blogs. Antoinette

  1. The inconsistency and unreliability of a man. We need to set our standards higher in order to avoid the complications after intimacy.As women, we need to make that collective decision to hold men accountable for their actions.

  2. This is so true and has happened to me a few times. But after a few years of honest self-reflection, I have come to the conclusion that,yes, they were bogus for hurting me, but, also, whose fault is it that it happened? Who allowed them? The old saying goes, no one can do to you what you don’t allow. I allowed them to stand me up without a call or an explanation. I allowed them to lie to me even though my woman’s intuition screamed at the red flags. I grinned and bared through the bull knowing that they were doing me wrong. So, again, the signs are always there and it is ultimately up to us to protect our hearts and its also our fault when it gets broken. I chalk it up to the game and keep it pushing. After all, every A-hole serves his purpose and opens the door for the love of my life to one day step through.

    • Far from a saint yet no less a genius. I am not sure if this is Bob Marley’s actual quote. That man made babies er’where with er’body and has little to no room to speak if this is his quote. Nonethless, the message is still powerful

  3. Believe me Signs R always there that bo boo IS NO GOOD..BUT we ignore them with an everlasting hope that he IS THE ONE…NAH, dollface U R THE ONE,NOT SOME RANDOM MAN WHOM HAPPENED TO CROSS UR PATH…
    This past Summer,i said to myself enuf. No mo running afta loosers, i come first,period…..call me selfish,but afta 28yrs of living i realised if i DONT PUT ME FIRST,NOBODY WILL…EXCEPT MY JESUS MY LORD.

  4. I think for one think we as women need to guard our hearts, and develop a true sense of our worth so that we don’t look for a man to validate, affirm and complete us. Say what you want, but when you see women (grown, educated, etc) cat-stratching and competing for a mans affection there is definitely a huge amount of insecurity and self-worth issues going on deep down inside. Therefore you leave yourself wide open for game to be run on you, and you are so thirsty for some attention/affection you will accept anything.

    I remember a year or two ago there was story on 20/20 about an ex-Chicago football player whose girlfriend and unborn child were murdered. This women had been dating this man for 18 years. 18 YEARS!!! Turns out this pregnant women was murdered by this man’s realtor whom he had been sleeping with on and off for numerous years, even as recent as the day before she was murdered. I almost fell off my seat when that part of the story came out. Here this women has been with you for almost two decades, beautiful, and pregnant with YOUR baby and excited about that, and you have the nerve to be stepping out??? Obviously this man did not give a $#@* about her, and she completely wasted her life being with this loser when she probably could have found someone else who would love her enough to marry her and give her the life and family she obviously wanted.

    I also think there are some men (and women for that matter) who get into relationships and then realize, naw this ain’t gonna work. This is particularly true is either person is looking for a spouse. Sometimes you may be able to see pertinent things upfront, but a lot of times that may not become visible till after a little bit of time. Particularly if either person is willing (at least initially) to overlook and/or rationalize major character flaws or issues.

    Nevertheless, men in general tend to know fairly quickly if you are wifey material for them. Sooooo if you want to be married don’t allow yourself to be strung along.

  5. I just think that so many men are lacking in communication and relationship skills, in a very severe way. I have been through what you described many times- going through it now as well – and I thank you for this ppost; I know now that I am not alone. I’ve made a commitment to myself to not tolerate the BS anymore. The problem is that you often don’t know that a man is like this until you’ve fallen for them. Unfortunately, I think that that’s when many men actually run, because they are afraid of love. Could say so much more,this is a deep topic.

  6. I have of course gone through this a couple of times, and while I find myself questioning/evaluating their motives…I am learning to look even moreso, closely at mine. Believe me, we all have them and unfortunately that deflects the reality of situations. When I think closely on what I have gone thru recently, I can’t help but acknowledge I disregarded (NOT MISSED) all the warning signs, particularly in reference to his only consistency, which was “saying” one thing and “doing” something completely different. Great piece!!!

  7. The I got scared excuse is THE WORST. scared of what? Being with a woman that loves you, oh how scary! But seriously I really don’t know why these men do this either. But just as many of the ladies before me stated… I should have known better. I Ignored all of the warning signs because “yea he fucked up, but I know he really loves me.” That way of thinking is total crap. If these men really loved us, they would show love, not just speak of it. This happened in my last relationship and when it was all over I really had to take some of the blame because as Maya Angelou says “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

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