As we get older and find ourselves still single and dating it becomes inevitable that you may come across a man who has children or was previously married especially in the day and age. I’m curious, how do you all deal with that? While I would prefer him to be child-less/baby momma-less/ baggage-less I absolutely still give them a chance. I met an older women last night who told me that I was a fool for doing that. She said that I was, “inviting unnecessary drama and stress to my life” and that secretly women only entertain these types of relationships because of the ‘challenge’ factor and at the end of the day we just want to feel like victor, the one he chose…we want to beat the other woman.
She went on to say that single men with children should date single women with children. That way they have a better understanding of each other and equally yoked. I have been really reflective lately so instead of getting annoyed or defensive, I just listened to her and examined everything that she said without any ego. I thought, if this women and this conversation found me out of nowhere then it had to have been for a reason. God must be trying to tell me something. But then I woke up this morning only to find Jada Pinkett addressing this very same subject via Facebook:
A letter to a friend:
Blended families are NEVER easy, but here’s why I don’t have a lot of sympathy for your situation because… we CHOOSE them. When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package…Period! If I didn’t want that…I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey…I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him…his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other… but we have learned to LOVE each other.
I can’t support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can’t say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT’S selfishness…NOT love. WOMAN UP… I’ve been there…I know. My blended family made me a giant… Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It’s time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are.
-J (Jada as always keeping it elevated and thoughtful)
So, which is it yall? Do you date the guy with kids or not?And if you do, how do you navigate the relationship between his already existing family and you?
Single mammas I want to hear from you too! What’s your perspective? Put me on.