For All My Twenty Somethings

Initially, I wanted to make a video promoting an event that I had planned. It was not going to be a hair event but rather a self help, self motivation, self development type joint. I would pitch to  my loved ones like ” Yeah we gon be all like ‘We love ourselves. We can overcome our fears. We know how to affirm our self worth. YAY!'” And I also had plans to throw in some small business makeup and hair vendors to help with the exterior beautification and self realization. Everyone was like “OOkkkayyy. Do it.” When I sat down to draft out the schedule and curriculum,  I hit a hard, cold wall.

WTF do I even know about myself? What fears and challenges have I overcome? How am I going to lead anyone anywhere when I’m twiddling my thumbs in the dark as well. I too am afraid to turn on the light and face my demons. Nonetheless I have to. I’ll learn along the way. Ask and you shall receive. In this tumultuous, confusing and oh so exciting times of my twenties I ask for faith, conviction, clarity, direction and the strength of a warrior.  A(women).


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34 thoughts on “For All My Twenty Somethings

  1. Well, this came at the right time lol. I just turned 20 on the 21st of November. I am a sophomore in college and recently one of my friends pledged to a sorority. In that time span, I have been thinking collectively, about my purpose. I need to get my ishh together. What do I stand for ? . To start off I can say that I am a kind passive person. The passivity(?) is something I need to work on. I care wayyy to much about what people think and I have been trying to make a collective effort to stop that entirely. Human beings are selfish creatures and in college I have met a lot of them. What are those people to me anyways? When one constantly questions others about themselves it leaves a lot of room for self doubt, which alludes to a lack of confidence. Confidence, is something I struggle with every single day. The unforgiving friend. This semester I have been trying to work on myself to find happiness, doing things I like, buying things I like. To hopefully find peace with myself. To end this verbose post lol,I would say that every day is a struggle and you have you take the steps to improvement daily. Its a full time job.

  2. Soooo I’ve had a crush on your hair for quite some time now, then I slowly started crushing on you and now I’m crushing on your voice. *SIGH*

    But real life, this ish IS hard.

      • LOL! I’m glad you didn’t hit me with the delete delete delete 🙂

        I turned 28 in October, and I have no clue what I am doing with my life. I feel like I peaked at 21, when I got a job in my field out of college. Then I got laid off and a month later became my grandmothers daytime caregiver for 2 years. I moved from FL almost 2 years ago, and I’m not regretful, but life is definitely different than it would’ve been had I stayed in FL. The wife is staring at me with baby eyes and adoption cost 20k, and I’m working part time trying to figure out whether or not I should get an associates in a different field, try gradschool again, or just go back to my field i hated. Needless to say, I don’t know wtf is going on daily. SMDH

  3. Shanti! You are speaking my soul! I was definitely just having an existential crisis, but it’s comforting to know we’re on the same wavelength.

      • Well look at Shanti…all grown-up and what not, speaking that TRUTH lol. Naw but its good to see your growth. I trust and believe that you will be fine. Yes, the 20’s are something else and life gets much tougher (I’ve experienced it myself). But just keep following God’s plan for your life; I KNOW He has great things in store for you. Stay beautiful and keep blessing the ppl with your gifts.
        Much Love- RG
        Btw: stop lying about your age!! lol, Peace

  4. wow..where do i begin…am two days away to turn 28, am scared. its a struggle to even say that to myself that am actually turning 28.dont get me wrong am thankful n grateful to my God above for the ride. he is indeed faithful,but i cant shout out the thousand voices in my head that am on the road to 30.
    i pray to God everyday to hold me n lead me on this journey, i choose to stay grateful,i choose to give thanks to my age…….yes my age.
    i dont know where life is taking me but i choose to meditate and belive that God has a bigger n better plans for me

    happy 28th birthday to me

  5. First off, you are too funny!! You had me dying! Ok…so as someone who just turned 21, I needed to hear this. You made me realize that I can’t blame who I am today on my past. I need to accept ownership of myself and face/let go of the past to move forward in order to become the person I want to be. This means being brutally honest with myself, which I find hard to do just because I would rather not. Thank you Shanti for these words of wisdom. Keep fighting the good fight!

  6. Shanti, I’m 30 something, and theree are still things that I’m working on and through, this just isn’t a post for 20 somethings. We’re all a work in progress

  7. Shanti…I don’t think this is just a 20 something, its a woman thing. Everyday is a new day to learn and live. I think you are on to something and maybe an event that honors/recognizes women of influence or inspiration. After all the hair on our heads are attached to the WOMAN we embody. I say go for it, you never know what may come from loving yourself and loving your hair can make all the difference for a healthy lifestyle regimen. THANK YOU SHANTI, for being so RAW and HUMAN…There is too little of this and too much superficiality

  8. Hey Shanti! Love your blog and I check it everyday! I just wanted to say I’m in my early 40’s, and EVERYTHING WILL BE OK!

  9. “Are we free like we want to be? Are we free?” – Ziggy Marley
    Hey, Boo. This post made me smile. I’m always asking myself,”Who do I want to be? Who do I want to be at 40, at 50, etc ?”. I used to think that life just happens, but you have to make it happen. The person that said that life is a journey wasn’t lying. It’s a journey, a marathon, and a quest all rolled into one. When you figure it out, let me know.

  10. Shanti, this is so awesome! Sometimes you just need to be reminded, IT’S NOT JUST ME! Plus this is confirmation of a convo I had with my guy just last night. I’m 27, have three degrees in two fields, a beautiful 6yo daughter, an amazing man, great friends, my BFF and I are in the same city again, a roof over my head, a cpl jobs in my field, great right?! BUT…this is the first time I’ve been out of school since preschool lol (literally though, didn’t even stop for pregnancy/baby), and I’m having trouble not having that be a part of my focus. Not having focus in general. Idk which field I really want to focus on (journalism or music), I’m teaching PT and singing PT, my grace period ended like last week (Ahhh loans!!!), sometimes I feel like I have too much to say/share/learn to just focus on music, but I can’t imagine my life without focusing on music and I feel like it offers people so many benefits artistically and intellectually, I am interested in like four different degree programs, (more school!), auditions for schools, young artist programs, etc. are SO expensive, I have so many things I want to do for/with my princess, and I really, really want to help people. I’m full of incomplete visions from a blog to a music program. I’m like what am I supposed to be doing, Lord?!?! And today I got the baby off to school and came back on my couch and laid down. I was watching the ladies on The View talk about Lindsey Lohan (AGAIN)! And today, this was the boost I needed. Reinforcement. You have to MAKE life happen. Shanti, you asked what are we going to do differently. Well for me, what you said about knowing what to do but lacking discipline hit home. I’m sure you know, you can be doing so much, but still not making the progress you’d like. I’m going to make a schedule, or at least a more specific agenda every(working)day. B/c I’m not on a 9-5 I have blocks of “free” time, but that time is supposed to be filled in and there is MUCH to be done. It’s easier to procrastinate when you’re randomly looking at a to do list. I’ve been saying this forever, time to do it. I won’t pencil in every minute, but the important things…yes. I don’t want to waste time. Life is so fleeting, and youth even moreso. Sometimes you want to sit still if for no other reason than avoiding moving in the wrong direction! But I have had some time to be confused. And I’m still confused. Lol But we have to pick something, focus, and move. Thankful for encouraging people in my life, thankful for gifts that may need direction but are gifts nonetheless, and very thankful for this post and the stories you’ve shared! Let’s go ladies! We are so gifted and have much to do! Blessings to you all.

  11. OMG…that was long…I hope you’re not like, “Uhn uh…delete….delete delete delete delete!” Lol! But I love this… #movingforward

  12. Shanti!!!…You betta preach girl!!!!…and have incredible hair while preaching! This was a poignant video. Thank you for your vulnerability; I’m turning 24 in a month and I’m despairing because my life is stillll not together. Your video encouraged me!!!…Life is very hard…It’s a daily battle to stay rooted and grounded in the truth!

  13. I’m glad you posted this & I love your video! I want to be more productive with my artistic side. Lately all I’ve been doing is worrying about deadlines & using my spare time to watch tv constantly instead of working on my drawing & painting skills, and practicing on my guitar, flute, and piano. I’m changing that tomorrow.

  14. Thank you for this video! I thought i was the only one! I graduated last year from college (I’m 25) and have been working ever since. But since the day I graduated I feel un-focused and kinda lost. And what makes it worse is my friends around me all seem to have their lives figured out. All things get better with time! Lets hope:)

  15. Shanti, thank you for producing this video. I actually had to make a cup of tea and give all my attention to it as I felt what you were saying was so profound and it really struck a chord with me. I am 24 and I have come to the realisation that the world and people are not always nice to me as I am to them, and I have learnt that I need to stand up for myself (something I am working on). I agree with you about learning to be strong and all of this comes under self acceptance and pride, which is something I need to build. I am a medical student who is very aware that I will also be in competition and always need to prove myself and I know that I have to protect myself from destroying my self esteem as a result of the constant pressure to know and be so much for my patients. I love what I do but I have to ensure that it does not become everything, so yes it is important that I know what type of person I want to become but also I must accept the person that I am. There is a fine balance between self acceptance and self improvement which I hope will come with experience and self reflection.

  16. I love the realness, writing style, and spirit of your blog & this post/video really hit home for me! I am 27 and finishing my Master’s degree this month and I’ve never felt so lost and uncertain about where my life is heading professionally and personally. It feels good to know that I’m not the only 20-something who doesn’t have it all figured out yet, but getting closer to figuring out the kind of person I want to become. Thanks for this timely message & wishing you continued success with your endeavors!

  17. I’m 22 and just graduated college (moving out of my dorm as I type) and so this definitely hit home for me. I’m trying to figure out my next steps so this video strengthened my awareness to be more proactive about my future. I hope you continue to make videos/posts that speak to this time of transition!! Peace.

  18. Speak Sis! Love, love, love what you said here! I’m 27, and ur def right…this ISH isn’t easy!!! I’m right there with you. Find the source of the stressing, turn it into a lesson, and those lessons will become blessings! <3

  19. You’re so right, this thing called life is super hard lol. But before I get into everything I just want to say I really really like your personality. you seem really cool and down to earth. But yea, lately I’ve been trying to work on me. Growing and developing into the person that i want to be, and know that i can be. I actually recently purchased this book called “Achieve Anything in Just One Year”, and the point of the book is to read one page a day for a year, because each page has a different message and assignment. It’s actually really fun and helpful. The daily assignments can be anything from do a random act of kindness, to write a letter to your the person who has hurt you the most in your life.. It’s a very therapeutic read. You should check it out!

  20. hey! I just want to say that you are very inspiring. Im 21, in college and Ive been having those conversations with myself for a long time. Honestly, I’m scared. Talks with friends that graduated and not know what they are doing after, people who are already doing great things and all the while I’m still here trying to “find myself”. I felt lost for such a long time and I’m in this state where I’m trying to figure out who I am as a person and what I want in life. Being in your 20s is such a beautiful time, and I don’t want to waste it. Like you I try to find time for myself to learn more about me. Thank you for this video….I really needed it.

  21. WOW!! I was just having this conversation!! lol I turn 27 in a week and I was feeling overwhelmed of this whole thing called life. I have been in the military for almost 10 years and I was having the hardest time with my weight…always yo-yoing and my hair was falling out and sooo many other issues. I always got tied up in myself and wanted everyone else to have the answer. So this year I decided to start focusing on me and not everyone else (a lot harder transition than I thought), I was recently diagnosed with PCOS so I have a better understanding with what is going on with my body, and I learned how to ask for help and be humbled. I know that I’m not perfect but I know I can’t stop trying…everyday is a step in a better direction. I wish someone could tell me exactly how to lie this thing called life….but I now know…like you said I am an adult!! Thanks so much for your post! You ladies are beautiful and always a source of inspiration!!

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