Facing Reality About The Hair You Have

Antoinette and I receive a lot of emails and comments from disgruntled readers that go a little something like this,
  • My hair looks so curly and defined when its wet but when it dries it just gets all big like an afro. What products can I use to keep my curls?” 
  • “My hair is so dry, it just wont curl up. I don’t know what to do to make it nice and shiny” 
  • “I am just so frustrated with my hair, no matter what I do it shrinks up! What am I doing wrong? 
Hey, granted a lot of you may actually be dealing with hair that is in need of better product coupling, moisture retention etc. I can dig it. I can empathize BUT some of you are simply in denial about your hair! You have this image of what your hair should be and could be if you only got the right products and retained more moisture but you are completely in denial about the true nature, texture and capabilities of your own hair! I know because I use to be in denial.All up until 2 years ago I thought I had Chilli’s hair from TLC waiting to emerge if only I’d find the right products and techniques.
      What was I thinking??
I swore my hair was chronically dry (sure it was) but that once it was moisturized it would shine and glisten like hers. It would lay long like hers, and some how the curl pattern would “correct” itself so that my baby hair would lay it’s ass down on my forehead like it had some damn sense. I just knew I had Chilli’s hair but in my head my hair was “damaged” and “uncooperative”. Something just had to be wrong with my hair because it behaved and looked different from the way it was supposed to look in my head. Cray Cray (I know) but I am not lying. I know a lot of you are nodding your heads, imagining the hair of someone else that you keep superimposing on the hair you really have. Whose is it? Say the name out loud just so you can begin to see the madness.  Now stop it! Accept the hair on your head and love it forit is worthy. I can honestly say that through my process of learning my hair and understanding and accepting my curl pattern, I have come to really love my hair. I know what it can do and what it can’t do. I accept those realities with no resentment or sadness. The fact that my hair is not fine but coarse, will never have a glistening shine and that it will never have a Pocahontas look to is really freeing to me and my self esteem. My ish will always poof up and be unruly. I work it to my advantage now. I am proud of it.
So, I want you all to really examine the “issues” you are having with your hair. 
 Are you truly having moisture and curl definition issues or are you frustrated that your hair is not what you think it should be?

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18 thoughts on “Facing Reality About The Hair You Have

  1. I heart y’all. I was talking a relaxed hair friend of mine yesterday about seeing some YT videos of naturals attempting “wash and go”s when they may not have “wash and go” type hair. I know with my hair texture, I could try it, but then it would what? Turn into a fro by the end of the day, so I’ve never made an attempt.

    I really like this post because it’s sometimes hard hearing that wake up call. I know that if I want “clumped” spirals, the only way for me to do that is with a full flexi rod set and nothing else. My coils will never clump in a wash and go style, so why hurt my feelings and get all frustrated, ya know?

    • You can do a wash and go. It’s just not gonna look like chili’s hair. Lol. I (ant) need to accept that no matter how much i pick my hair out it’s not going to be huge like kelis. It’s just not. Smh

  2. I agree with African Violet. My friends are always encouraging me to wear my hair in a ‘fro, my natural ‘fro. Tight kinks and all! I always sheepishly say “nooo, I don’t like wearing my hair like that.” But now I kinda get it; I haven’t really accepted my hair texture for what it is. Thank you for this post!

    • I don’t think not wearing your hair in a style you don’t particularly care for has anything to do with accepting your texture. Frankly, I never plan on froing my hair out…that’s just not a look I like on me. But, I do love my hair. It’s just a matter of personal preference. It you prefer a twist out…so be it!

    • I think it all about personal preference. I have 4a/3c hair and wont wear my bra strap length hair in a fro. Why? Because by the end of the day, I have have more tangles and knots than I care to admit which will lead to breakage. I fully accept my texture, but I won’t wear my hair in a style because others think I should.

    • The whole point of withLovefromLiv’s post seemed to be that for her it wasn’t about breakage etc, – wearing the afro was about accepting her true texture. I had similar issues. I was a bit nervous about wearing an undefined fro instead of a defined twist out. It wsan’t about breakage etc. Now I realise that all styles can be beautiful – defined or not. Just because it was’t that way for you, doesn’t mean other people aren’t experiencing that.

    • Thank you Lela7! LOL When I said fro I really meant the way my hair is fresh out of the shower and not styled. My friends see my hair like that all the time and wonder why I wont wear it out and up until now I didn’t really understand why. So yes, a “fro” is more than a style for me, its something about my hair that I have to accept, my tightly curled hair just as it is.

  3. L.O.L. RIGHT?!?!?! I love this post! We need to face the reality of our hair, trust me – my hair was supposed to look like Alicia Keys’ for the longest. But as soon as I finished college (that same day actually) I decided I will wear my hair natural. I washed, moisturized and did a braid-out and I LOVE IT. It’s not Alicia’s hair, but I don’t want her hair! I want mine, because it’s just as gorgeous as the next and no one can tell me otherwise. Self-acceptance! Forget what the masses say!

  4. It took me a few months post big chop to truly fall in love my afro-texture hair, but when I fell, I fell hard…then I got my hair pressed and these random patches of corkscrew curls have sprouted in my hair. Still working my way to loving this apparent new texture…but I’m sure I’ll get there.

  5. Shanti, I totally understand… right now I’m still in the process of accepting my natural hair. I actually could be hair twins with Chilli but I still long for hair just like yours! Isn’t it crazy how the grass is always greener… but I’m working on acceptance. This is how I am, and I’m loving and accepting it more and more each day.

  6. actually i have very course hair that curls when wet 4b,4c… but to do a wash and go after i condition my hair i soak it with water and spray scurl on my hair then use curling mousse the wash and go lasts for days

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