Category: Love and Happiness

Conversations between the Head and Heart.

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“Lawrence understood. It seemed to him that every time he made one choice in his life, he said no to another. All of those things that he could not do or be were huddled inside of him: they might spring up at any moment, and he would be hobbled with regret. “

I am currently reading “The 12 Tribes of Hattie” and this excerpt jumped out of the book and cold, body slammed me into recognition. This is where I find myself every waking minute of my day. Some days I am overwhelmed with the weight of responsibility that life demands while other days I am simply delighted and inspired by the infinite possibilities that it holds. Nonetheless, whether high or low this correlation between choice and consequence ruminates within my head nonstop – to the point that I am at a stand still. I don’t want to make another move. It feels incredibly dangerous.

I am 26 years old. I have created a small enough life’s history that I can reflect on and claim responsibility for. It’s different when you are 21 and you reflect on four years prior. You reflect with a seasoned mind’s eye, more steps have been taken in the stride of an adult. You are no longer protected by the excuses of adolescence, naivity or reckless indifference.

When I was younger I lived and moved from my heart. I was always down for experiences whether good or bad  because I felt that I had the time to reconcile, learn and grow from them. I remember the freedom in being 21 and throwing up my hands, buckling my belt and letting it ride out “to have the experience”.  Thoughts such as,  “I know he is not the one for me, but I am just going to see how this goes” or “Ill just get this degree. I may not use it but I need to be doing something!” were plentiful in my early years.  I wanted to feel shit. Like really feel like I was living and loving unencumbered by fear, worry and society’s timeline. Traveling, learning a new language, alternative lifestyle apprenticeships, consuming love affairs, late nights, laughing, eating, dancing while all the while slightly committing to the notion of a serious career via classes at Temple kept me engaged and excited about my life.  I yearned for the rarity and spiritual impression  of really loving life over a 401k, white house and picket fence any day. My focus was always to engage my heart spontaneously and genuinely rather than train my mind to arrange the logistics for “setting up my life”.

My heart has always been a victor over my head because 23 and pregnant, I submitted to the dictates of it and decided that “ready or not”- a child was going to come.

Now my head is playing catch up and tries to figure out how in the hell I got here.  “Hold the fuck up Shanti! How in the hell? I thought we were going in the right direction? I had us enrolled in college. You were doing well! I mean I knew you weren’t really sure what the hell you were learning and why but we both knew it made sense for your future. We were gonna figure it out later! How am I going to fix this. Why didn’t you listen to me???????”

So now I find myself stuck. Decisions have to be made about what my  next steps will be. I have choices in my life that demand that I either  listen to my dutiful head, be pragmatic and bite the bullet because it is “safe” or risk being directed by a short sighted heart that only knows of the beauty of the here and now. God knows listening to my heart has shown me things that have brought me to my knees due to the pain and beauty that were laid upon me. But I am older now and I can not so easily snap back. My desire and need for safety and security keep me anxious and needing focus.

I can’t seem to reconcile the two. I don’t want to live a life dominated and created by the cold, pragmatic mind which may look like it’s all together but is deprived of love, real freedom and soul stirring impressions. Nor do I want to end up with nothing…but good memories.

Who is leading your lives ladies? Your heart or your head? Which do you prefer lead? 

Guest Post: Touch Me… Please

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around the way curls, touch me please, intimacy, sex, love, antoinette henry, shanti

I saw this article online and couldn’t resist reposting it. At this point, this is exactly where I’m at in life. Without getting too personal or going into too much detail, I am one that is always seeking intimacy. Hell, when Shanti stays the night in NYC, I find myself inadvertently trying to cuddle with her until she realizes, and soon flings me away.

When it comes to men, a secret rendezvous with someone I care for and know personally will give me a little something to work with, but a booty call/fling/hookup has none of my interest. Without some sweet affection and thoughtfulness, I would in the end, be left feeling more frustrated than where I started. Is it me or has the intimacy factor between not only men and women, but mother and daughter, homegirls and homies taken a huge hit?  I’ve got to be honest, its even gotten to the point where more often than not, the men I come across have no idea how to be intimate. And to top that, many are even clueless when it comes to how to kiss. Honestly, one of the last kisses I had was a huge disappointment because it felt like I was under attack and like he was attempting to swallow my entire face in one huge gulp. I thought my chin was going to be black blue. Here’s a hint guys, being aggressive and passionate is great but being sloppy and careless isn’t. SMH. WHY!!!!???? What happened to the thoughtfulness of it all? What happened to the times when kissing someone new felt like a dance… completely in the moment and full of intent? Are we confusing sex with intimacy? Why is this happening? Is it me? Anyone else suffering from this? For some answers read below:

By: Freya Watson

It was two in the morning and I was awake again, tossing and turning under the quilt with a restless yearning. My body had been used to being held, loved, stroked and pleasured, and it was suffering withdrawal symptoms.

I’d been separated—and celibate—for almost a year and was badly missing intimate physical contact. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I couldn’t find a massage therapist or a casual partner. I’d had plenty of massages, but none of them quite hit the spot. And casual partners weren’t exactly abundant at the time, for some reason. It wasn’t sex I was after, anyway—it was loving touch. The kind of touch a new lover naturally showers on their beloved in the early days of exploration and wonder.

I knew what I needed and was willing to ask, but finding it was another story. Luckily the dry period didn’t last long, though, and pretty soon my body was again feeling that happy glow that comes with being touched with love.

In the years since, when I take time off writing to see clients for healing, I’ve noticed how common it is to see people whose whole energy is begging, ‘touch me—please!’ Not that they’re necessarily aware of it, or looking for me to touch them. It’s just that they may not have had intimate contact with another person in years, and may have even forgotten how to allow themselves to be touched. Even if they’re in a relationship and sexually active, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are experiencing true intimacy and loving touch. Sex and intimacy don’t always go together. I wonder how many people go through adult life without being properly touched?

Our bodies are built for connection. Not just a casual hug or hand on the shoulder.

We’re built to thrive on love, and intimate touch is a natural physical manifestation of love. And by intimate touch I mean the kind that says ‘I’m right here, fully present with you, in this moment,’ rather than sex which is just about genital contact. It’s an intimacy which can be shared with anyone we love, not just sexual partners. Studies have shown that the cells in our bodies expand when they feel love and contract when they feel its opposite, and our ability to use our touch to transmit that energy to another is an innate gift which we all carry.

Modern society is moving further and further away from touch as a natural, integrated part of everyday life.

To fill the gap, we have created services that people buy and sell, but it’s not that same and we’re losing touch with our own natural ability to bring healing and pleasure to those close to us.

“Massage is needed in the world because love has disappeared. Once the very touch of lovers was enough. A mother touched the child, played with his body, and it was massage. The husband played with the body of his woman and it was massage; it was enough, more than enough. It was deep relaxation and part of love. But that has disappeared from the world. By and by we have forgotten where to touch, how to touch, how deep to touch. In fact touch is one of the most forgotten languages.”~ Osho from ‘Hammer on the Rock’

Reawakening that ability for loving touch can be one of the simplest and most beautiful gifts to ourselves and our loved ones. At its most basic, just showing up and being willing to touch someone with the intention of bringing healing or love can be a comforting experience for another. And sometimes it’s as easy as that. We may shy away from placing soothing hands on an aching back or stroking a tense head, thinking drugs or a doctor are more efficient, or not wanting to spend the time. Surprisingly, though, it can be all that’s needed to shift a mood, lighten discomfort, or unlock a deeper emotional layer that’s ready to be cleared. More importantly, touch connects people and increases that sense of trust and love in the world in a way that doctors and drugs struggle to do.

In essence, reclaiming our ability to lovingly touch another—whether child, friend or lover—can be as straightforward as practicing the following four qualities. The more often we practice them, the deeper our touch can go.

Clear intention. Be clear about why you want to touch another and stay focused on that intention. Are you intending to create a sense of well-being? Or pleasure? Or comfort? Whatever it is, be clear in your mind about it before you start. As an experiment, ask a friend to close their eyes and try two variations of the same touch—stroke their arm once while thinking of your favorite movie and then a second time while intending that they feel your love. Then ask if they noticed any difference.

Love. It sounds simple to say ‘love the one you’re with’ but it’s not always that easy to access a feeling of love for someone at the drop of a hat. So find another way in to the energy—twiddle that internal dial until you find that feeling of love somewhere inside (try music, or the face of a lover, or the memory of a warm summer’s day). Use your mind or senses to find a catalyst that can bring you back to a deep feeling of love, then refocus the energy on the person you’re with.

Presence. You can’t hear what another’s body is trying to say to you if your mind is busy, so bring that mind fully into the moment! Focus on the sensation of touch, or on synchronizing your breathing with the person you’re touching, if you need to have something to keep the mind busy with. Being present brings a stillness, and intuition reaches us through that stillness.

Trust. Trust that you can bring a sense of well-being and love to another by touching them. Trust that somewhere deep inside, you know how and where to touch them. Then follow your instincts, get on with it and see where it leads you.

Feelings of pleasure and well-being aren’t just for the lucky one who’s being touched, either.

The beauty of feeling another opening under your touch and discovering the depths that can be hidden in the body brings with it a deeper connection to the mysteries of life as well as a sense of profound gratitude for this simple gift. So find a partner and get touching! Then teach your kids.

For more interesting articles visit The Elephant Journal

Like elephant health and wellness on Facebook.

How Do You Deal With The Other Woman? Blended Families Edition

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As we get older and find ourselves still single and dating it becomes inevitable that you may come across a man who has children or was previously married especially in the day and age. I’m curious, how do you all deal with that? While I would prefer him to be child-less/baby momma-less/ baggage-less I absolutely still give them a chance. I met an older women last night who told me that I was a fool for doing that. She said that I was, “inviting unnecessary drama and stress to my life” and that secretly women only entertain these types of relationships because of the ‘challenge’ factor and at the end of the day we just want to feel like victor, the one he chose…we want to beat the other woman.

She went on to say that single men with children should date single women with children. That way they have a better understanding of each other and equally yoked. I have been really reflective lately so instead of getting annoyed or defensive, I just listened to her and examined everything that she said without any ego. I thought, if this women and this conversation found me out of nowhere then it had to have been for a reason. God must be trying to tell me something. But then I woke up this morning only to find Jada Pinkett addressing this very same subject via Facebook:

A letter to a friend:
Blended families are NEVER easy, but here’s why I don’t have a lot of sympathy for your situation because… we CHOOSE them. When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package…Period! If I didn’t want that…I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey…I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him…his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other… but we have learned to LOVE each other.

I can’t support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can’t say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT’S selfishness…NOT love. WOMAN UP… I’ve been there…I know. My blended family made me a giant… Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It’s time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are.
-J (Jada as always keeping it elevated and  thoughtful)

So, which is it yall? Do you date the guy with kids or not?And if you do, how do you navigate the relationship between his already existing family and you?

Single mammas I want to hear from you too! What’s your perspective? Put me on.

Jada On “The War on Men Through the Degradation of Woman”.

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jada will jaden smith, love black love

“The war on men through the degradation of woman.

How is man to recognize his full self, his full power through the eye’s of an incomplete woman? The woman who has been stripped of Goddess recognition and diminished to a big ass and full breast for physical comfort only. The woman who has been silenced so she may forget her spiritual essence because her words stir too much thought outside of the pleasure space. The woman who has been diminished to covering all that rots inside of her with weaves and red bottom shoes.

I am sure the men, who restructured our societies from cultures that honored woman, had no idea of the outcome. They had no idea that eventually, even men would render themselves empty and longing for meaning, depth and connection. There is a deep sadness when I witness a man that can’t recognize the emptiness he feels when he objectifies himself as a bank and truly believes he can buy love with things and status. It is painful to witness the betrayal when a woman takes him up on that offer. He doesn’t recognize that the create of a half woman has contributed to his repressed anger and frustration of feeling he is not enough. He then may love no woman or keep many half women as his prize. He doesn’t recognize that it’s his submersion in the imbalanced warrior culture, where violence is the means of getting respect and power, as the reason he can break the face of the woman who bore him four children.

When woman is lost, so is man. The truth is, woman is the window to a man’s heart and a man’s heart is the gateway to his soul.

Power and control will NEVER out weigh love”

May we all find our way.
J

I Couldn’t Agree With Her More!

Shelli of Hairscapades Dishes on Finding True Love

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Not only is she blessed with gorgeous long, luscious, locs, supple skin and a beautiful smile, Shelli of Hairscapades now has another precious adornment… her fabulous fiancé Weusi Baraka. Shanti and I met Shelli this past summer at Curly Nikki’s NYC event and we were so happy to see her man there in full effect and in support of his boo while beaming with admiration. So, since relationships often come up on our blog we decided to pick Shelli’s brain about what makes her relationship work…. pens and pencils ready ?

 Hey lady! Introduce yourself for those who are lost in the sauce and don’t know the know.
LOL! Hi, my name is Shelli and I’m the natural hair blogger behind Hairscapades.com!

How did you and your fiance meet?
Well, we originally met 11 years ago … 2001, I believe. He was Talent Management on HBO’s Def Poetry and my best friend was one of the poet’s recording. He was this short guy with a fro almost as big as him. LOL!! We were peripherally connected through that friend for 8 years, because he and she worked together every two years on a Midnight Poetry show at the National Black Theatre Festival in NC. My friend would say that he always asked, “How’s your friend with the pretty smile?” But, that was about it. Well, in 2009, I attended the theatre festival for the first time and sparks flew. I remember saying, “But he’s so little!” And my friends kept saying, “YOU’RE LITTLE!!” LOL!!

When did you realize Weusi was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?
You know, I don’t know if there was a specific moment. I haven’t been in love many times in my life. In fact, I’ve only really been in love two other times. And, both of those times, it was like love on first date. You see how that worked out!! LOL!! With Wei, it was gradual and almost kind of snuck up on me. It actually happened when he was staying in Paris for two months … I just missed him so much and was so happy when he finally returned. From there, I guess it just evolved and I realized, this is my heart.

 My mother told me that every woman should have a list of non-negotiables when it comes to men and relationships. For example, he has to like and want children, he has to be independent and self sufficient and so on and so forth. Do you agree and if so, what were/are your non-negotiables? Or do you think having a list limits us and could potentially result in us missing out on someone great?
It’s so funny. I never consciously had a list until 2009!! The spring before Wei and I started dating, I ended up having lunch with a colleague who I didn’t know that well. But, she was a total doll and we ended up having this heart to heart. I think I was bemoaning being 37 or 38 or whatever and still being alone. Well, she told me that she had just been watching Oprah (I think) and Oprah said to write a list of the things that you want in a partner and put it in your lingerie drawer. She said to look at it periodically and visualize your life partner. You know, that whole power of visualization and speaking things into being thing. So, I did it! I think I did it that very evening. And, it’s still in my drawer. I just pulled it out, but I’m torn about sharing it because Wei never wanted to see what was on my list!! LOL!! So, I’m not going to tell you the whole thing but I will say that #1 was, “Believes in God & Jesus and wants to live life to God’s standards, even if [he doesn't] always meet them. (Wants to grow)” Next on the list are “Loyal; Honest; Smart (not brilliant per se, just enough so it challenges me to be better or matches me) – college degree not necessary, but would be nice; Makes me laugh; POSITIVE.” That’s exactly the words written on my piece of paper. There are a few more, but I’ll leave it at that. Let’s just say, Wei doesn’t have everything on the list, but he has the non-negotiables and the things that are missing, he’s working towards.

As to the question of whether every woman should have a list … ummmm …. I think that it can be problematic for some. My list was very basic, general and realistic, I think. It was helpful to me because some of the things on the list were put there because I learned what I DIDN’T want by going through bad relationships. But, I think some lists are so specific and so demanding that they can be limiting and prevent a woman from giving someone a chance who might be perfect for them and just what they need. You know the kind I’m talking about, “Millionaire, owns a luxury car, two houses, chocolate brown skin, six pack, nice toes, has all of his teeth.” Shoo’, a snaggletooth can be sexy, you ain’t know?!?! LMBO!!! I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist!! Okay, but seriously, you know what I’m saying. I think a list can be a good thing or a bad thing. It all depends on how it’s used and if the person writing it has some flexibility on some things and choses non-negotiables that speak to the character of a person and not materialistic or superficial things.

Relationships can be hard and a lot of work. What do you think keeps your relationship so strong and how do you know when you’ve put in all the work you can and that it’s time to move forward?
I think what makes our relationship work is that we both want to be happy and try to surround ourselves with positive people and experiences. He’s super laid back and I’m pretty laid back … for a woman!! LOL!! I think the fact that we met in our late 30s (I’m 40 now and he’s 42), we both know who we are and what we want. So, there was never any game playing or facades. It’s cliche, but communication is sooooo important. It’s definitely not always easy. I struggle with it. I HATE to fight … with a passion. So, I’m wont to hold in my feelings when I’m upset because I don’t want to get into an argument. And, I’m a talker. But, when I’m mad about something? I don’t say anything. So, Wei has to push me to tell him when I’m upset with him sometimes. But, he not only does that. He wants to find out why. On the other side of things, I have to push him to talk about things that are bothering him externally. He tends to keep things that he is working through to himself, but I can always tell when he’s doing that because his demeanor changes. And, when we have these conversations where we’ve had to push each other a little, we are both able to talk. We don’t speak over each other. We don’t scream at each other. We don’t curse. It may be solemn, but we just talk. And, sometimes there is no answer. No resolution. But, at least those feelings and thoughts aren’t boiling inside until the pot boils over!! At the end of the day, we love and are thankful to have each other. And, whenever I get disheartened or down, he tells me, “God’s got us!” LOL!

How did you know that the love you were in wasn’t just love but healthy, true love?
I was in a really bad, roller coaster, Superman highs, subterranean lows, on again/off again relationship a few years before I met Wei. As I said above, I’m pretty laid back. I don’t fight, I don’t fuss (at least, I didn’t ;) ) … shoot, I’ve been nicknamed, “Sunshine” by three different guys. I don’t enjoy being angry or miserable, so I get over things quickly. My mom used to say anger rolls off of me like water off of a duck’s back. I just like being happy and living as stress-free as possible. All that being said, I was in a relationship with a man who I thought was great and sweet and sensitive and funny. Turned out, he was constantly upset by something I did or said. He also thought that the world was out to get him and had so much anger and negativity about EVERYTHING. He had me walking on eggshells for fear of hurting his feelings because of his insecurities. It took me two years to finally see how dysfunctional he was and, hence, our relationship. After that, I realized that I needed someone that could see the positive in life and lived with that always in mind. Wei is definitely that person. He is my calm and my peace. When I’m in his arms, I’m home.

Do you believe that there is one person for everyone or many people one can make it work with?
I don’t believe that there is only one person for every person. I think this is a huge world and that there are tons of amazing people out there. The trick is MEETING them!! LOL!!

What impact has the inception and success of Hairscapades had on your relationship and how do you balance the two?
Wei has been my supporter from the door! He is 100% behind me with the blog and is always pitching ideas on how to make it bigger and lucrative :) !! He attends events with me, guest blogs for the site (his feature is, S.O. He Says where he discusses hair, our relationship, does interviews, etc.), tells everyone he knows about it and often is the reason I get products to sample and review!!! The one challenge is balancing spending quality time together in the midst of working, blogging and life!! We often sit on the couch, side-by-side, not saying a word as I work on my computer and he on his. He often tells me that he’s writing his guest blogs so that I don’t have to write as much and we can go to dinner and a movie : ). It doesn’t really work though!! LOL!! I’m still trying to figure out how to balance working a demanding management job, blogging, maintaining a clean house (laundry is in various states of disarray as I type), eating healthy and exercising. Balance is definitely a work in progress. And Lord help us if/when we have a kid *fingers crossed*.

When it comes to natural hair, is your fiance very knowledgeable and in the know or is he supportive in letting you do your thing without having any real interest.

LOL!!! Okay, he isn’t VERY knowledgeable, but he knows a thing or two:). He definitely knows about henna and how time-consuming it is. He likes the conditioner in the blue bottle. He loves the Ouidad Double Detangler, and the little shampoo brush, though he doesn’t know what either is called. He’ll point out hair that he thinks that I’ll admire. Also, he had very, very long locs back in the day, so he knows a little about natural hair care too. However, he doesn’t take much interest in his own hair and has to be reminded to put something in it since he keeps a low ‘fro. LOL!! Anywho, as I said above, he not only supports me, he is all up in the Kool-aid!! And, I love it:)!!

10. Lastly, what advice do you have for young woman looking for a love in this day and age?
Oh wow. That’s a hard one and I don’t know that I’m one to be dolling out advice about relationships and looking for love. But, the things that I would say to any and every young man and woman are, be genuine about who you are as a person and know your self-worth. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not to “get” someone, because they’ll eventually find out who you really are. And honestly, don’t you want them to love you for who that person is? The self-worth is so important because if you don’t value yourself, no one else will and it makes it easy to find yourself in an abusive (whether physically or emotionally) and/or dysfunctional relationship. (Shoot, I have a good amount of self-worth and still ended up in a relationship with someone who had me scared to talk, because I might talk over him and hurt his feelings!!) So yeah, be YOU and know that you is a pretty awesome person!!

 For more info on Shelli visit her blog here. And to read more about her engagement click the links below. They are sure to make your heart skip a little. (In case you didn’t know, I’m a sucker for love and a hopeless romantic)

http://hairscapades.com/2012/02/15/an-anti-valentines-day-love-story/

http://hairscapades.com/2012/02/17/off-topic-on-engagement/

Married, engaged, kinda boo-loving or single…Let us know, what are your secrets to maintaining a healthy hearty relationship? 

Real Rap: Cowardly Men

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bob marley, love, black love, relationships, around the way curls
Why do some men do this? WHYYYYY? I can’t for the life of me understand it? This has happened to me and probably all of you reading before. I have been in situations where these cowardly lions have claimed to have gotten ‘scared’, where they were just straight up playing me and telling me what I wanted to hear and where they initiated and began a full-fledged relationship only to eventually back out. In the end, I questioned their motive. I often felt like I was fed false hope in order for them to receive the love that they wanted from me, not that they had any real feelings invested in the relationship that we had or were building.

 I have even been witness to men going as far as to profess their love to a woman, lay down with that woman with the intention of impregnating her and building a family with her only to in the end, be unfaithful, unclear and shaky about what they actually want from her, the relationship and for themselves. They then offer the most infuriating and haphazard explanation for their actions such as, “I f*cked up but I’m trying. I don’t want to loose you. I love you. One day I know I will be ready and I can only hope you are around for that”. What??? I’m not lying y’all I have loved ones that this has happened to… some kind of slap in the face huh? 

With this type of deceit and inconsistency running rampant within our community and our relationships how does one protect themselves from the lurking and alluring cowards out there? And why are they awakening our love without any intentions behind it?  To trap us? To increase their masculinity? What is it?

Take heed my friends. Take heed. Ladies, send this to your potential boo or already established boo and see what his response is. If it’s not to the effect of “Absolutely”, “Mmmmhmmm”, “I agree” or “He’s right” loose him. Read the signs and boogie bounce baby girl. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache in the end. I’m sending mine out now.

In the voice of so many beloved Around the Way Curls in every hood every where ask yourselves: 
“WHY HE DO THAT FOR?”
Sound Off Below

Fairy Tale or Fraud? Meagan Good’s, DeVon Franklin Talks Sex & Celibacy

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He was on some serious No Commitment No Cutty.  Ladies, could you refrain from sex for over ten years while trying to find your true love and life partner? Do you think it’s necessary? Could you marry someone without ever having sex with them? Does sex tend to over shadow everything else? Where is the romance? Where is the pursuit? What happened to the idea of getting to know someone? And is it possible to really get to know someone if you’re quick to jump in the sheets with them? Are you really taking them for face value or is the “D” trumping everything and clouding our judgement? Are we really on some “Ima put it down, you gon’ fall in love” ish? 
SOUND OFF BELOW!
PS. In my opinion, Meagan Good is one lucky woman.

Are White Women the Ultimate Prize for “Successful” Black Men?

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So, Shanti and I are working ’round the clock to make sure Curls Gone Wild is not only a dope event, but that it runs smoothly and that all the behind the scenes logistics are taken care of. As a result, we’ve been commuting back and forth to Philly and New York, spending a lot of time together. 

This weekend, while making bows, Shanti and I got the talking about Kim and Kanye… I actually don’t mind them as a couple. I feel like they have a lot in common and both find a little solace in each other. Shanti however, detests the relationship. She can’t not STAND them together and feels like now that Yeezy has hit Illuminati status (sike naw lol. Now that he is successful) that he only has an eye for white women. But come on, that can’t be true! We all know Kanye is secretly in love with Bey. Who isn’t? Ha! Anyway watch the video to listen to our arguments. Let’s just say we’ll agreed to disagree. 

But first let us give you Webster’s definition of Successful:

  • Accomplishing an aim or purpose
  • Having achieved popularity, profit, or distinction. 


I want to end this by saying, we have no beef with Kanye. We actually talk about him so much because we love and adore him. And while our approach is comedic, this is a very serious topic/epidemic. Forget about Kim and Kanye for a minute and ask yourself… 
Are white women the ultimate prize/trophy once a man of color reaches a certain level of success? 
Is it that with success, comes access to these women? 
Is it that seeing powerful black men with a white women brings out our own personal insecurities? 
Are we reading too far into the entire thing?  It’s also interesting that we are even having this conversation as two bi-racial women. What does that say about us? 

Give us your thoughts. 

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