“If You Think You Are Better Than Your Man, Your Relationship is Done”.



      ” I don’t know. I just feel like he isn’t doing anything with himself. He smokes weed, he still works at the same job. He can’t seem to save any money. But he is so smart, and talented and sweet. He is good to me. He is a good man.”

“Do you think you are better than him?”
 ”Excuse me?”
 ”Do you think you are better than your  man? Because if you do, your relationship is done”.

Our male friend shrugged his shoulders after dropping this fact and went back to his plate of chicken wings. Antoinette and I looked at each other. She smiled a wide Cheshire cat smile. I looked back at her with furrowed eyebrows. I smiled uneasily. She knew. I knew. I thought that I was better than my man. Underneath the soft sheaths of laughter, intimacy and comfort of our relationship was a bubbling brew of contempt, hope and mistrust.

Will he ever get his act together? Maybe if he sees that I am nervous about our future he will try to do something different. Am I wrong for wanting something more? But he is so sweet. He is so intrinsically good. I can help him. Wait hold up, fuck I got to be the one to help him for?

It had never dawned on me that this sense of superiority was in fact unhealthy and detrimental to my relationship. The illness was not so much that he was unmotivated but that I thought that I was in fact more progressive. Lies. I am far from perfect. I procrastinate, I underachieve and I doubt myself but my boyfriend at that time thought I might as well have been Oprah. He thought I was hot shit. He adored me as an unrealistic projection of myself. I focused on solely his weaknesses and he was blind to mine. We remained timid crabs scurrying left and right after one another yet incapable of moving forward.

I see this same dilemma in many relationships. I know amazingly talented, intelligent women linked to the dead weight of an underachieving man. As a result these women become inflated with a false sense of productivity and they are never really properly fueled, critiqued and pushed off of their plateaus of comfort. No one really helps each other further in life. They remain stagnant in their incompatibility.

Love can be such a desperate thing. Everyone wants it. Everyone NEEDS it. Once we find someone who is nice, not a complete degenerate, makes us laugh, hits it right and at least has a job we ignore the finer details but we should want more than that from our partners, our potential life mates, husbands, wives and co-parents. We should want to be pushed to discomfort, encouraged, directed, critiqued, supported and inspired. We should feel the security of a loved one who always has your back, pushing you forwards whether you like it or not.

Have You Ever Been In A Stagnant Relationship?
What Made You Realize It Had To End?

Amazing Women Who Aren’t Beyonce

Maaaan listen, I love Beyonce. I do. I love her in a sick twisted way. I am well aware of it. She is amazing. She makes me feel hmmm how do I say it…..? Like shit? Small? Lazy? Dumpy? Gay? Inspired? Bald headed? Poor? Like I can do anything if I put my mind to it? Like I too have a wild sex demon inside of me? Like I need a better camera? Like I too am honored to be a mother to an awesome, wild daughter? Like women rule the world and got damn it I am a woman and she makes me so proud I get a lump in my throat sometimes? Ummmm yeeeaah kind of like all of dat.

 I have stumbled upon some really fucking amazing women that deserve recognition and swell me with pride and inspiration similar to Beyonce (but without the sick, twisted associations).  I hope they do the same for you.

Warsan Shire 

At 25, this young Kenya- born Somalian (East Africa Stand Up!) is the current Young Poet Laureate of London. She is an amazing poet and is responsible for this poem that is me. She is a deep, remarkable woman whose words, insight and mission should be seen by all. Here is a taste of the flavor she is putting down from a poem called


He takes off his jacket and sits down for the rest of his life,

that’s how we bring Dad back.

I can make the blood run back up my nose, ants rushing into a hole.

We grow into smaller bodies, my breasts disappear,

your cheeks soften, teeth sink back into gums.

I can make us loved, just say the word.

Give them stumps for hands if even once they touched us without consent,

I can write the poem and make it disappear.

Step Dad spits liquor back into glass,

Mum’s body rolls back up the stairs, the bone pops back into place,

maybe she keeps the baby.

Maybe we’re okay kid?

I’ll rewrite this whole life and this time there’ll be so much love,

you won’t be able to see beyond it.

 To Read More Click Here

Shayla Cox

I had stumbled upon Shayla via Tumblr and I have been a big fan of hers for a while. She is a jewelry designer of a brand which is her name sake Shayla Cox. She is amazing because she is completely invested in herself and her art. I respect her because her jewelry, branding and marketing is completely on point. It is a direct reflection of her values and her vision. She is not compromising herself for anyone. To understand the dicipline, dedication and fearlessness required to achieve such seamless branding, is inspiring. I love to see that. I see you girl! Tear shit up!

Melina Motsoukas

Melina is responsible for Rihanna’s epic, award winning music video “We Found Love”  as well the majority of videos from Beyonce’s “B’day” album and most recently “Pretty Hurts” from Beyonce. If you look her up on Wikipedia, you will find a VERY long and impressive list of music videos of which she is responsible for directing. She is a master of bright colors, textures and stylization. She is a woman with vision. When we admire the Rihannas, and Beyonces of the world, I think it is important to take notice of the minds and talent behind the artists. The people that know how to capture and create the perfection we assume stars naturally have.  Melina is a cinematic beast. For all the young film makers, videographers and photographers, watch her, follow her and be inspired.

Lianne La Havas

Are you fucking kidding me? I love. her. I have watched quietly as this young lady slowly begins to swell soon to blow up. She’s beautiful and her work is beautiful. This video is beautiful. Watch and become a fan.

Ameena Matthews

Ameena Matthews used to be a gang member. Her father was powerful gang leader. She knows the intricate webs of emotional, financial and sociopolitical issues that pull at hearts of those involved in gang/drug affected communities.  She is no longer a gang member nonetheless she lives, eats and breathes the lifestyle in a ongoing effort to pull the people of her Chicago community away from the trivialities and deadly consequences of living the fast life.  She literally stands and begs compromise before guns are pulled as a violence interrupter.  She is power and purpose manifest. To learn more about Ameena Matthews check out this amazing documentary focused on her and other heroes  called

“The Interrupters”

It’s nice to watch King Bey but these aforementioned women are a nice reality check. They are wonderful sources for varied talents, purposes and grinds.

I know I Missed Many. ..

Who Are Some Amazing Women That You Look Up To (that are not Beyonce)?

Shanti Leaves The USA – JoJo I Don’t Think We Are in Kansas Anymore!

shanti around the way curls, natural hair, motherhood,

So I have been keeping a HUGE secret from all of you. For the past six months I have been contemplating and planning a trip to leave the country. I have finally taken the leap of faith. I am in Guatemala! My family owns and maintains a beautiful farm in Guatemala. My cousin has lived in Guatemala since she was seventeen (she is originally from the US and is now 26). She teaches here in a bilingual school and has invited me to come to the school and teach in English to students. I rejected the idea for so long but I decided an opportunity like this only comes once in a lifetime so I took it. The coffee farm which I live on is lush and tropical. Banana, orange, avocado and lime trees offer there fruits generously. I just have to go outside and pick it. The life of Guatemalans is by no means easy. There is poverty everywhere juxtaposed against the environmental beauty. Even my daily life can be challenging surrounded by pollution and unpaved roads. My heart misses Philadelphia, my friends and family. This has been exciting yet terrifying. They say you take yourself wherever you go and still I struggle with my fears and dissatisfaction. I am not yet committed to staying here. I am taking it day by day. We will see.

shanti around the way curls
In Between two decisions….
Has anyone ever lived abroad? What were your challenges? Any questions for me?

How I Escaped Being A Ride Or Die Chick

*Names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved.

around the way curls

 This post is dedicated to Q. I am forever in your debt. You saved my life. You freed me. I wish you peace of mind and all the happiness your heart can handle. Happy Birthday. 


I am meeting your mother tomorrow to bring her your things. I have gone back and forth on whether to write you or not. I doubt that you will even read this but in this case that you do please read this with an open heart and an open mind.

After much reflection, I realize that hurt people, hurt people. With everything that you have done… you MUST be hurting. There is no other explanation. Unless you are really that cold and lacking any sort of conscience, which I don’t believe is the case. From selling drugs to your own community at the age of 15 (which was your father’s down fall) to deceiving almost every woman in your life… there is no way that you are not hurting. But let me be clear, whatever you are angry about, whatever haunts you at night, whatever you can’t face within yourself, whether it be your father’s absence or your frustration with trying to move forward from this case, that anger does not give you the right to wreak havoc on people’s lives. Your anger justifies nothing.

Ashley, Kesha, Daniele (who you tried to meet up with the very same evening we slept together), Latricia, Verna, Q and I are innocent. We are not guilty of anything besides being foolish. I have racked my brain over and over again in attempt to see where I missed the signs and I really can’t find many. That’s scary Ray… That means you are a con artist and one of the great ones.

It breaks my heart that you choose to live your life in this way. Its heart breaking that a father would CHOOSE to spend his energy deceiving and plotting on good, whole hearted women. It breaks my heart that you go to such great lengths to make your lies believable. It breaks my heart that you put all your energy into such an exhausting life of lies rather that use that same energy to better yourself as a man.

Do you really believe that you can change your life? I am beginning to think not. You actions lead me to believe that you have no real faith in yourself. Here’s what I think, I think you don’t feel like you have what it takes to succeed so you latch on to women and suck them dry. I’m not confident that you  feel equip as a man to care for yourself and your family. So, you supplement with women (love, sex, companionship, money.etc) for your own short comings… your mother included. Be clear, you are playing/played ALL of us.

I want you to know that despite me damn near hating you, I still believe in your potential. I still want to see you win for little Shawn’s sake if nothing else. Anyone capable, of juggling this many women and keeping track of this many lies, all while making it look so easy is beyond talented and beyond smart. You are powerful. You just use you power for evil. And that my friend, is never good. How powerful do you feel sitting in that cell right now? SMH. You are capable of so much more. You owe it to your son. You don’t have to extort and use women in order to win.

Reading your phone made me sick. Verna thought you two were getting married. You even spoke of rings. So, that makes two women you proposed to. She wasted 2 years on you. Chantel wasted 4, and poor Q wasted 6, while raising your son and the list goes on and on. What you are doing is pure evil. My thoughts and prayers go out to every woman you have ever come into contact with.

And your poor mother… she sounded so distraught and hopeless on the phone. I felt awful for her. Do you care? Do you feel any remorse? Does it upset you at all? Maybe? Hopefully? But not enough to change.

You even swore that you were being faithful on your own son… your own autistic, innocent, child… your own blood,,, the being that was made in the likeness of you or maybe not… You can’t love him. You can’t care for him and do the things that you are doing. I know what it feels like to have a father’s love and I can say, Shawn does not have your love. You are not being father to him. One girl told me that she was with you the evening Shawn was born and the morning after. WHO DOES THAT!? But again, you are angry. But Ray, the only way to combat that anger and heal is to be everything to Shawn that your father was not to you. So far, you have only continued the cycle.

I don’t know what is going to become of you, but I do know this, I am going to be fine. The problem is you think you are invincible. You think you are untouchable but baby, you are not. You see, I won. I got you out of my life and in the process exposed you to all of your other women. I bet you wish you never met me huh? My ‘kitty cat’ couldn’t have been worth all this. And I told you the first day we went out that I was no one to be fucked around with. I warned you that I was no joke because karma and God are always on my side. You may have been getting away with this shit all your life but it ended here. The secret is out. The jig is up. Now, you are alone, in a cell, without any women to lean on. I went from holding you down to holding you accountable and that feels great.

Today is my birthday and despite my disappointment and hurt, I am celebrating. I am celebrating because I am not you. I am not so insecure and lacking in self confidence that I need to create false realities, relationships, and worlds in order to just cope with myself. I don’t need to lie in order to function. You think you’re locked up on that island? No baby, that’s nothing, your mentality and way of life have you enslaved. THAT is your prison.

So, with that said, I will continue to love freely and whole heartedly. I, unlike you, have endless choices and possibilities. My future is bright and I am clear that none of this was about me and that it, my life, isn’t about other people. My life is about doing God’s work and it has been done. I won. I’m free and I freed.

I hope that you will one day know what real freedom feels like, only then will you have become a man.

-Sincerely Antoinette

This post is extremely personal and one I am hesitant about. But, the only reason  found out about this con-artist of a man was because  one of his girlfriends/ his child’s mother reads the blog, recognized my name and reached out. That tells me three things: this world is small as hell, God has my back and there are more readers out there going through the same thing. Run. Learn from me ladies. Learn from me. I love you all. 

Why We May Be Unhappy “Why Generation Y Yuppies are Unhappy”

I stumbled on this awesome article from waitbutwhy.com.

This is genius, honest and quite encouraging. I see “us” in this so much…


Say hi to Lucy.

Lucy is part of Generation Y, the generation born between the late 1970s and the mid 1990s. She’s also part of a yuppie culture that makes up a large portion of Gen Y.

I have a term for yuppies in the Gen Y age group — I call them Gen Y Protagonists & Special Yuppies, or GYPSYs. A GYPSY is a unique brand of yuppie, one who thinks they are the main character of a very special story.

So Lucy’s enjoying her GYPSY life, and she’s very pleased to be Lucy. Only issue is this one thing:

Lucy’s kind of unhappy.

To get to the bottom of why, we need to define what makes someone happy or unhappy in the first place. It comes down to a simple formula:


It’s pretty straightforward — when the reality of someone’s life is better than they had expected, they’re happy. When reality turns out to be worse than the expectations, they’re unhappy.

To provide some context, let’s start by bringing Lucy’s parents into the discussion:

Lucy’s parents were born in the ’50s — they’re Baby Boomers. They were raised by Lucy’s grandparents, members of the G.I. Generation, or “the Greatest Generation,” who grew up during the Great Depression and fought in World War II, and were most definitely not GYPSYs.

Lucy’s Depression Era grandparents were obsessed with economic security and raised her parents to build practical, secure careers. They wanted her parents’ careers to have greener grass than their own, and Lucy’s parents were brought up to envision a prosperous and stable career for themselves. Something like this:

They were taught that there was nothing stopping them from getting to that lush, green lawn of a career, but that they’d need to put in years of hard work to make it happen.

After graduating from being insufferable hippies, Lucy’s parents embarked on their careers. As the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s rolled along, the world entered a time of unprecedented economic prosperity. Lucy’s parents did even better than they expected to. This left them feeling gratified and optimistic.

With a smoother, more positive life experience than that of their own parents, Lucy’s parents raised Lucy with a sense of optimism and unbounded possibility. And they weren’t alone. Baby Boomers all around the country and world told their Gen Y kids that they could be whatever they wanted to be, instilling the special protagonist identity deep within their psyches.

This left GYPSYs feeling tremendously hopeful about their careers, to the point where their parents’ goals of a green lawn of secure prosperity didn’t really do it for them. A GYPSY-worthy lawn has flowers.


To continue reading click HERE

curlBOX’s September Nude Issue: An Interview With CEO Myleik Teele

curlbox myleik teele nude issue natural hair

 What was the inspiration and vision behind the shoot?
I consider myself an “artist” and I love to collaborate with other artists as often as I can. I have always wanted to produce a photo shoot with black women in a high fashion environment. I wanted to do something with the everyday woman and essentially put her on a page of Vogue.

What statement did you intent to make and what was the purpose and significance of the nudity?
I’m really not trying to make any statements. This is just something I wanted to do and I hope that other people enjoy it as much as I did. I wanted to do a nude photo shoot like this mainly because I have never seen one done this way with real women. We often talk about things being aspirational … I believe this shoot is something attainable. You don’t have to be a model to be beautiful.

What does the female body/nudity have to do with hair and the curlBOX brand? How do they correlate and coincide?
The curlBOX brand is a lifestyle brand centered around our crowns (our hair). It’s all about freedom with us.

 What do you want your readers to take away from the images? How would you like the spread to be received?
I’m not really the kind of person that wants to dictate what you think about something that I’ve done. Yes, I’m human and whenever you are an “artist” and you put something from your imagination out to the public, you hope that they receive it the way that you dreamt it but that’s not always the case. Art is always interpreted differently by each person. I’ve struggled in the past with criticism but over time I have learned that what people think of a person or product (good or bad), has everything to do with the critic. I always say: Take compliments and criticism the same – lightly.

What would you say to critics that may say the nudity is unnecessary and objectifying women? How will you address negative feedback?
I don’t really have anything to say. I recently read a Kevin Hart interview and I think he nailed it: ”But, I’m such a grounded guy so, I understand where it comes from and I understand why it happens. The public’s job is to judge.”

What were your worries while planning the shoot?
I don’t really spend a lot of time worrying. I have worked in a fast-paced work environment for several years so I can do many things at once. It’s always my job to manage all of the moving pieces or manage those that have been hired to move pieces around. Working with various personalities and making sure everyone is happy (enough *lol*) and ON TIME is always the name of the game. :)

 How did you chose the models, photographer, make-up artist and hair stylist?
I wanted the models to show a range of styles, bodies and beauty. I’m often intrigued by certain features on women of color. I am often blown away by striking facial composition or body proportion or sometimes its a simple as the energy a person has. I wanted to have all of those women shot by my all time favorite photographer, Itaysha Jordan.

When I started laying out my vision board about the look and feel of curlBOX I had researched tons of photos and I fell in love with a photography style. I found out that the photographer was Itaysha Jordan and we talked over the phone last Thanksgiving and then we met in person over dinner in New York earlier this year and then I told her about my idea for the nude shoot and then she just nailed it. Dante Blandshaw is one of her best friends and he’s just sick with hair period. Alexis is an awesome young makeup artist and she has amazing hair and we’ve shared her pic on instagram a ton so I couldn’t wait to have her be a part of this shoot.

Was it difficult to get folks to agree to do it?
Believe it or not, only one person said no to doing this.

Not only did you produce the shoot but you also served as one of the models. How did it feel posing nude? Did you have concerns about professionalism and perception being curlBOX’s CEO?
People are often insecure about the way that they look, naturally. While we used hair and makeup to make this a high fashion shoot, I wanted to show that this is what I look like. This is what WE look like. As the CEO, I am still an everyday woman that experiences many of the same issues that women of color experience. I don’t think there’s anything unprofessional about these beautiful photos.

During the shoot you made a very poignant and unapologetic statement about curlBOX being for black women. Can you elaborate on that? Also, from a marketing standpoint what kind of responses does that statement warrant?
I mentioned that in interviews I have been asked if this is a service for black women and I said that I have responded with the answer of YES. I’m not ashamed to say that I created his for women of color and my hope is that all women with curly hair can enjoy the experience. This is created with women of color in mind.

 Any regrets?

 Any last words?
I had an absolute blast at the shoot and can’t wait for people to experience it!

All The Ladies In The Place With Style and Grace

taren Guy curlbox myleik teele nude issue natural hair
Taren Guy
fola curlbox myleik teele nude issue natural hair

Fola Sade

ms vaughn curlbox myleik teele nude issue natural hair

Ms. Vaughn

antoinette henry around the way curls curlbox myleik teele nude issue natural hair

Antoinette Motha Suckin Henry
“Those that don’t got it can’t show it. Those that got it, can’t hide it.” -Zola Neale Hurston

I have to say, this was one of the best experiences of my life. I’m going to do a video about it soon. And I’ve got to give myself some credit. I have come a long way since I first opened up about my weight issues… and now here we are. Thank you all for being so supportive. I’ve gotten nothing but love.

 Be kind to yourselves ladies. I am learning how to more and more everyday. 


I drive. I have texted and driven before. I admit it. I WILL NEVER do it again. Please watch this video to help reconsider the destruction and heartache that can happen in the blink of an eye due to mindless texting while driving.
This is a beautifully made mini documentary directed by the talented and eerie German film maker Werner Herzog.

“From One Second To The Next”


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