Category: Inspiration

Practice Happiness

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1. Push yourself to get up before the rest of the world – start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.

2. Push yourself to fall asleep earlier – start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable. 

3. Erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.

4. Get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else. 

5. Stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.

6. Buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

7. Buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.

8. Strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.

9. Organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.

10. Have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realize you can learn from your dog.

12. Message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.

14. Think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything. 

15. Become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.

16. Lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.

— Sixteen Small Steps to Happiness

Is Natural Hair For “Girly” Girls Only?

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I would describe myself as a “girly” girl. I love lipstick, can appreciate a dope shoe, think about different outfit possibilities and over my years have spent many hours primping and mastering different beauty techniques in front of the mirror. With that being said, I look at women such as Ms.Vaughn, or other fashionistas and I feel so very far behind. I just ain’t got the time or desire to be that damn fancy and fierce!
It makes me think about those women who are even less inclined to primping and preening within the natural hair community and I wonder how they feel. Is natural hair restricted to girly girls only?
Let’s be honest, natural hair requires upkeep and technique. Your fingers need to know how to two strand twist, you have to know how to twerk a bobby pin into submission and all must be adept to the wonders of a red lip for a lazy day bun. Natural hair requires foresight and research. It requires you to care about the way your ish looks and a mastery of manipulation to get it “right” consistently.
I feel like for those that aren’t as comfortable and inclined to be so beauty conscience must feel somewhat lost or overwhelmed by the responsibility of upkeep.

Are you a girly girl who lives and breathes fashion, make-up and hair or are you a girl who spends little to no time on beauty?

 Do you think that affects your success as a naturalista? Share you thoughts and comment below!

Conversations between the Head and Heart.

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“Lawrence understood. It seemed to him that every time he made one choice in his life, he said no to another. All of those things that he could not do or be were huddled inside of him: they might spring up at any moment, and he would be hobbled with regret. “

I am currently reading “The 12 Tribes of Hattie” and this excerpt jumped out of the book and cold, body slammed me into recognition. This is where I find myself every waking minute of my day. Some days I am overwhelmed with the weight of responsibility that life demands while other days I am simply delighted and inspired by the infinite possibilities that it holds. Nonetheless, whether high or low this correlation between choice and consequence ruminates within my head nonstop – to the point that I am at a stand still. I don’t want to make another move. It feels incredibly dangerous.

I am 26 years old. I have created a small enough life’s history that I can reflect on and claim responsibility for. It’s different when you are 21 and you reflect on four years prior. You reflect with a seasoned mind’s eye, more steps have been taken in the stride of an adult. You are no longer protected by the excuses of adolescence, naivity or reckless indifference.

When I was younger I lived and moved from my heart. I was always down for experiences whether good or bad  because I felt that I had the time to reconcile, learn and grow from them. I remember the freedom in being 21 and throwing up my hands, buckling my belt and letting it ride out “to have the experience”.  Thoughts such as,  “I know he is not the one for me, but I am just going to see how this goes” or “Ill just get this degree. I may not use it but I need to be doing something!” were plentiful in my early years.  I wanted to feel shit. Like really feel like I was living and loving unencumbered by fear, worry and society’s timeline. Traveling, learning a new language, alternative lifestyle apprenticeships, consuming love affairs, late nights, laughing, eating, dancing while all the while slightly committing to the notion of a serious career via classes at Temple kept me engaged and excited about my life.  I yearned for the rarity and spiritual impression  of really loving life over a 401k, white house and picket fence any day. My focus was always to engage my heart spontaneously and genuinely rather than train my mind to arrange the logistics for “setting up my life”.

My heart has always been a victor over my head because 23 and pregnant, I submitted to the dictates of it and decided that “ready or not”- a child was going to come.

Now my head is playing catch up and tries to figure out how in the hell I got here.  “Hold the fuck up Shanti! How in the hell? I thought we were going in the right direction? I had us enrolled in college. You were doing well! I mean I knew you weren’t really sure what the hell you were learning and why but we both knew it made sense for your future. We were gonna figure it out later! How am I going to fix this. Why didn’t you listen to me???????”

So now I find myself stuck. Decisions have to be made about what my  next steps will be. I have choices in my life that demand that I either  listen to my dutiful head, be pragmatic and bite the bullet because it is “safe” or risk being directed by a short sighted heart that only knows of the beauty of the here and now. God knows listening to my heart has shown me things that have brought me to my knees due to the pain and beauty that were laid upon me. But I am older now and I can not so easily snap back. My desire and need for safety and security keep me anxious and needing focus.

I can’t seem to reconcile the two. I don’t want to live a life dominated and created by the cold, pragmatic mind which may look like it’s all together but is deprived of love, real freedom and soul stirring impressions. Nor do I want to end up with nothing…but good memories.

Who is leading your lives ladies? Your heart or your head? Which do you prefer lead? 

Simba, It Is Time.

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Yizzo y’all. I feel like I have been MIA from the blog for a little while but it’s all for good reasons. For the past couple of months I have been really inspired and focused on creating the life I want for myself. I’ve been actively stepping out of my comfort zone and it has been all to my benefit.

 So, to make a long story short I went into work (my serving job) one day ready to ask to for a leave of absence and prepared to resign in the case that the leave was not granted. Now, this is a big deal for me because I like money. I don’t spend a ton but I stack bread. I check my account twice a day just to make sure it’s still stacking. And incase you didn’t know, serving is a lot like the crack game. Its fast money. And it’s addictive so the streets be callin me man! As soon as you are ready to walk away to pursue your passion or something that has a little more prestige to it, the cash in hand calls you right back. You can loose perspective easily. Not to mention, my job blesses us with insurance too so they’ve really got a hold on me. But anyway, I digress, I went to my boss, who shall remain nameless, nervous and stuttering trying to justify why this block of time of was important for me and to my surprise he granted it without any hesitation. This may not seem like a big deal, but it absolutely is. This man has been looking out for me ever since I started working there. He’s told me about blogging conferences to attend, put me on to networking events and even introduced me to Afrobella. He is one of those angles that shows ups exactly when needed. (And he doesn’t ready this blog so I’m not sucking up. I mean it.) But in my heart of hearts I love him. If I do make it and make some real money I promise I will bless him.

So, with angles like him in my corner, I fell so full and alive again. I’m in that juicy place where seeing someone else do well in my field no longer depresses me and makes me envious but instead, inspires me. You know? I’m waking up excited not for what the day may bring but for what I’ll bring. And it is no accident that I am meeting so many people who are directors, writers, singers, dancers, etc and who are taking an interest in me and pushing me in the right direction. Everything is falling into place.

So, I have THREE WEEKS to get my ish together or at least get ahead a little. (I was offered more off time and I should have taken it but again the streets be callin.)  But I am going to make the best of these three weeks. It’s going to my own version of  bootcamp hell. Here’s what I plan on doing:

-Daily Vocal Rehearsals with 2 Vocal Lessons a Week: Within the comfort of my own home I am going to work out vocally. And this is something I definitely need to do more of. I tend to sing but not concentrate on vocal technique enough. I need to make this a daily ritual.

-Preparing My Audition Book: An audition book is just that, the book of music you use to go into auditions with. It sounds simple but it’s not. You need to have the right songs for you. Meaning, songs that reflect a character you would actually be cast as. You need to have the right cut. Meaning, the portion of the song that in 16 bars or less shows off your best self, wows the casting directors and books you the job. You need to research the shows and characters in which the song comes from so that you actually perform and act it in the audition. And you need at least 25-40 songs in your book because there are so many genres of shows. You need standards (up-tempos and ballads), characters pieces, Sondheim songs, Rock-pop, Motown, Gospel, Legit-Classical, Jazz, and so on and so forth. You also have to FIND the music for all of the songs (which can be extremely difficult), get them in the right key for your voice (which can be very pricey and finally), learn them. It’s a lot.

-Continue to Work Out: I am going to be working out 5 times a week for at least 1.5 hours and some days pulling ’2 a days’. I’m not playing. I’ve been going to the gym a lot lately and it is something that I feel like has improved not only my health but my attitude and overall mind-state. I also need to get in a dance class. Yall, didn’t know I was a trained dancer did you?

-Drink a Gallon of Water a Day: If you knew me in high school, you knew me as the girl that walked the streets with a gallon of water and I’m going back to that. We don’t realize how important it is.

-Eat Healthy Balanced Meals: This is a given. Just do it, Antoinette. Damn!

-Research: There is no way that I can be my best self in these auditions or talking to these industry folks without doing my homework. So, I’ll be at the Lincoln Center Library quite a bit. Head down. Book Up.

- Hanging: Not hanging out, but hanging. I have to check out  jazz clubs (besides the one I work at) in the city to see who’s who, how they operate and what the vibe is. It’s half the battle.

Notice, dating, catching up with old friends, drinking, partying and anything social really, is not on that list.There is a time for that but this ain’t it. This ain’t play time. I’ve come to realize discipline sets you apart from the rest. The most talented do not make it but the most disciplined and committed do.

You’ll also notice blogging is not on this list. Now, I’m sure I will post here and there, but again, it’s not my focus. I have to get over this hump. Once my audition book is complete I’ll be able to get back into the swing of things but until then I have to view, everything outside of that as a distraction.

So,there it is. That’s my plan. I have to follow through now that I publicly announced it. And if you see in me in the street or online, please hold me accounable. Ask me if I went to the gym today. Or when my next vocal lesson is. Do it!

I’ll end with some brilliant words and advice from my favorite philosopher. “F&%$ everything else, Antoinette. You’ve gotta go hard like Beyonce. You’ve gotta own your craft and make it your B*%$#!”- Shanti Maria

An Interview with Kasheera and KingAH about Quitting Your Job and Chasing Your Dreams

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I recently met up with the awesome couple Kasheera Latash and her man KingAH (Mark) to talk about the couples decision to escape the route of the 9-5 and begin the uphill journey of self-employment. This is a interview that I am going to be sharing in different installments. This first video “When Enough is Enough” talks about the initial decision to quit and the thought process and preparation that that leap requires. If you are not familiar with Kasheera and Mark, get up on it and check out their awesome Youtube Channels. Hers and His.

The Pursuit of Happiness

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A while back, I wrote a post about being terrified to fail and as a result giving up on my dreams. I won’t get into all the details again but I do recommend that you read it if you haven’t. But in summary, I’ve been a song and dance girl ever since grade school. I have a degree in musical theater yet I traded in auditioning to sling plates at a Jazz club and watch some folks half as talented as me live their (and my) dream. But they deserve it. They were courageous and I quit. So, I vowed to start auditioning again and my first one back at it, I booked the role.

The show is a really sweet show. It features timeless music written by Harold Arlen (who wrote The Wizard of Oz, Get Happy, That Old Black Magic) and I am honored that I get a chance to sing his music. It’s especially dope that I snagged, “Blues in the Night”, “Come Rain or Come Shine”, and “Stormy Weather” all to myself. You’ve got to realize that in no other existing show would I or any actress for that matter have the opportunity to sing all three of these  classics. This role is just gold.

I am in a really good place right now. I feel alive and like I’m doing what I am supposed to be doing. For a while, I found myself going in and out of a slight depression and falling into a rut. I would come out of it when Shanti and I would be working on an event or project that I was proud of but after, (even if it was successful) I always felt unaccomplished and somewhat ashamed of myself. That’s how I knew I had to get myself together and get back on stage. It’s even sweeter now because I have a new appreciation for it. Before, it came so easy to me that I took it for granted and didn’t make it a priority. I didn’t fully respect the art and own my craft. But now, I am completely committed.

So, the transitioning phase was necessary. It was grueling and painful but necessary.

So, I have vowed in 2013 to get mine by any means necessary. I’m telling you yall. I am not playing. You thought I was serious in 2012? Nope. That was a fraction of what I can really do when I put my mind to it. And I’m not just talking about performing. I’m talking about the blog, future events, expanding the company, my physical and mental health and even my personal life. You know, I sought someone out the other day to give him MY number. If you know me, then you know that’s huge. So, from this point on, I’m fearless and I live by one of my favorite quotes from my favorite philosopher, Shanti Mayers.

“I ride around and I get it. You talk it. I live it.”

For more information on my new show, The Wonderful Wizard of Song click here and for tickets click here and enter the code wizfnf for a hefty discount : )

Tell us, What Are You Riding Around and Gettin This Year?

11 Ways Successful People Start Their Mornings

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Onward and upwards er’body! Let’s meet our new goals this year and learn from the best!

Interesting article to share via Marc and Angel Hack Life Practical Tips for Productive Living

By Sam Of Financial Upside

The day may have 24 hours of equivalent length but every hour is not created equal.  Beginning the day with a purpose and a plan increases your chances of success.

In her book What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast, Laura Vanderkam writes, “Seizing your mornings is the equivalent of that sound financial advice to pay yourself first.  If you wait until the end of the month to save what you have left, there will be nothing left over.  Likewise, if you wait until the end of the day to do meaningful but not urgent things like exercise, pray, read, ponder how to advance your career or grow your organization, or truly give your family your best, it probably won’t happen.”

Here are 11 smart ways to start your day.  I would suggest that the most successful people do the majority of these things during the first couple hours of their morning as part of their daily routine.

  1. Get an early start.
  2.  This extra time will help you avoid speeding tickets, tardiness and other unnecessary headaches.  In addition, most markets and businesses open by 9 A.M.  Whether you work from home or commute to an office, the more time you’ve had to digest the day’s news and obstacles ahead, the greater advantage you’ll have over your competition.
  3. Review your Focus list.
  4. What is your number one goal right now?  What’s most important to you?  What makes you happy?  Design your time around these things.  Remember, time is your greatest limited resource, because no matter how hard you try you can’t work 25/8.
  5. Review your TO-DON’T list.
  6. A ‘TO-DON’T list’ is a list of things not to do.  It might seem amusing, but it’s an incredibly useful tool for keeping track of unproductive habits, like checking Facebook and Twitter, randomly browsing news websites, etc.  Create one and post it up in your workspace where you can see it.
  7. Exercise.
  8.  Other than the obvious health benefits, movement increases brain function and decreases stress levels.  Developing a consistent habit of exercising is a discipline which will carry over into your business day – Apple CEO, Tim Cook, is in the gym by 5 A.M. every morning.  If you can, go outside for a walk, or jump on the treadmill and start out slow.  This will jump-start your metabolism and your day.
  9. Eat a healthy breakfast.
  10. Your brain and body speed are a function of what you intake.  Bagels, muffins and sugars have the tendency to slow you down.  Fruits, proteins and grains help provide a consistent stream of energy without the sudden drop-off.   Try a mixture of orange, apple and lemon juice with a spinach omelet one morning and let me know how much better you feel.
  11. Kiss your partner goodbye.
  12.  It sounds cheesy, but most truly successful people have a great home life.  Acknowledging your partner (and kids) mentally relaxes you, allowing you to focus on the day ahead.  Don’t lose sight of the fact that you’re striving to be successful so they may benefit as well.
  13. Practice 15 minutes of positive visualization.
  14. In his program Get the Edge, Tony Robbins explains the importance of gratitude visualization first thing every morning.  In a nutshell, spend roughly 15 minutes thinking of everything you’re grateful for: in yourself, among your family and friends, in your career, and the like.  After that, visualize everything you want in your life as if you had it today.  The effect?  Elevated certainty in everything you do, and always being in peak state.  Despite how ‘new age’ it sounds, it’s had incredible effects on associating success into my every-day life.
  15. Put first things first.
  16. Successful people recognize that not all hours are created equal, and they strategically account for this when planning their day.  For most of us, our minds operate at peak performance in the morning hours when we’re well rested.  So obviously it would be foolish to use this time for a trivial task like reading emails.  These peak performance hours should be 100% dedicated to working on the tasks that bring you closer to your goals.
  17. Eat that frog.
  18. Brian Tracy’s classic time-management book Eat That Frog gets its title from a Mark Twain quote that says, if you eat a live frog first thing in the morning, you’ve got it behind you for the rest of the day, and nothing else will be more difficult.  In others words, get the tough stuff done first.
  19. Connect with the right people.
  20.   Relationships are the basis of business – communication is the basis of relationships.  Successful people associate with people who are likeminded, focused, and supportive.  These people create energy when they enter the room, versus those who create energy when they leave.  Connecting with these positive people in the morning can set you up for a positive day.
  21. Stay informed.
  22. Whether you prefer National Public Radio or the Wall Street Journal, spend a few minutes each morning learning about what is going on in the world.  Not only will it educate you, it may change your perspective or inspire your actions for the day.

Exerpt from “Until Today” – Iyanla Vanzant

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“I will know peace when… I accept and acknowledge the truth”

“Some people sleep around with many other people regardless of the physical and emotional risks involved. Others drink alcohol or ingest chemical substances to their own detriment. There are people who are very fond of taking things that do not belong to them. Some people lie just for the fun of it, others because the cannot seem to stop themselves. Usually we do these things when we forget the truth of who we are.

The truth is that we are all messiahs of one sort or another. According to Webster, a messiah is: The leader of some hope or cause. When you are living the truth, you offer others hope. When you are living the truth, you cause other people to realize the truth about themselves. When people see the glory, the grace, the peace of your life, they are inspired.

There is nothing that you can ever do to erase the truth about who you are. One day when you least expect it or when you ask for it, one kernel of living truth buried somewhere in your being will be awakened.  On that day, which could be today, all of your false beliefs and harsh judgements will vanish! All reluctance will disappear, and your greatest detriment will become the divine core of your life’s ministry. Let today be that day!

Until today, you may have been engaged in self-destructive behavior to support the reluctance you feel about being a chosen one. Just for today, activate the truth in your consciousness. Accept the fact that you are important. Acknowledge the fact that you have been chosen to lead others out of a fear-based, unproductive lifestyle. Let your life and your determination inspire others to live the truth of their being”

For All My Twenty Somethings

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Initially, I wanted to make a video promoting an event that I had planned. It was not going to be a hair event but rather a self help, self motivation, self development type joint. I would pitch to  my loved ones like ” Yeah we gon be all like ‘We love ourselves. We can overcome our fears. We know how to affirm our self worth. YAY!’” And I also had plans to throw in some small business makeup and hair vendors to help with the exterior beautification and self realization. Everyone was like “OOkkkayyy. Do it.” When I sat down to draft out the schedule and curriculum,  I hit a hard, cold wall.

WTF do I even know about myself? What fears and challenges have I overcome? How am I going to lead anyone anywhere when I’m twiddling my thumbs in the dark as well. I too am afraid to turn on the light and face my demons. Nonetheless I have to. I’ll learn along the way. Ask and you shall receive. In this tumultuous, confusing and oh so exciting times of my twenties I ask for faith, conviction, clarity, direction and the strength of a warrior.  A(women).

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