Author Archives: Shanti

Is Natural Hair For “Girly” Girls Only?

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I would describe myself as a “girly” girl. I love lipstick, can appreciate a dope shoe, think about different outfit possibilities and over my years have spent many hours primping and mastering different beauty techniques in front of the mirror. With that being said, I look at women such as Ms.Vaughn, or other fashionistas and I feel so very far behind. I just ain’t got the time or desire to be that damn fancy and fierce!
It makes me think about those women who are even less inclined to primping and preening within the natural hair community and I wonder how they feel. Is natural hair restricted to girly girls only?
Let’s be honest, natural hair requires upkeep and technique. Your fingers need to know how to two strand twist, you have to know how to twerk a bobby pin into submission and all must be adept to the wonders of a red lip for a lazy day bun. Natural hair requires foresight and research. It requires you to care about the way your ish looks and a mastery of manipulation to get it “right” consistently.
I feel like for those that aren’t as comfortable and inclined to be so beauty conscience must feel somewhat lost or overwhelmed by the responsibility of upkeep.

Are you a girly girl who lives and breathes fashion, make-up and hair or are you a girl who spends little to no time on beauty?

 Do you think that affects your success as a naturalista? Share you thoughts and comment below!

New Event! Come See Us At The International Hair Show in NJ!

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Come See Around the Way Curls and the Lover-ly, Bad Mama Jammas, Hey Fran Hey and Urban Bush Babes this Sunday and Monday!

For tickets and more info visit http://www.ihshow.com

International Hair and Beauty Show
Sunday & Monday May 19 & 20, 2013
Meadowlands Expo Center, New Jersey
355 Plaza Drive, Secaucus, New Jersey 07094
Sunday: 10am-7pm ~ Monday: 10am-6pm

We’ll be at the Curls Unleashed Booth!

Conversations between the Head and Heart.

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“Lawrence understood. It seemed to him that every time he made one choice in his life, he said no to another. All of those things that he could not do or be were huddled inside of him: they might spring up at any moment, and he would be hobbled with regret. “

I am currently reading “The 12 Tribes of Hattie” and this excerpt jumped out of the book and cold, body slammed me into recognition. This is where I find myself every waking minute of my day. Some days I am overwhelmed with the weight of responsibility that life demands while other days I am simply delighted and inspired by the infinite possibilities that it holds. Nonetheless, whether high or low this correlation between choice and consequence ruminates within my head nonstop – to the point that I am at a stand still. I don’t want to make another move. It feels incredibly dangerous.

I am 26 years old. I have created a small enough life’s history that I can reflect on and claim responsibility for. It’s different when you are 21 and you reflect on four years prior. You reflect with a seasoned mind’s eye, more steps have been taken in the stride of an adult. You are no longer protected by the excuses of adolescence, naivity or reckless indifference.

When I was younger I lived and moved from my heart. I was always down for experiences whether good or bad  because I felt that I had the time to reconcile, learn and grow from them. I remember the freedom in being 21 and throwing up my hands, buckling my belt and letting it ride out “to have the experience”.  Thoughts such as,  “I know he is not the one for me, but I am just going to see how this goes” or “Ill just get this degree. I may not use it but I need to be doing something!” were plentiful in my early years.  I wanted to feel shit. Like really feel like I was living and loving unencumbered by fear, worry and society’s timeline. Traveling, learning a new language, alternative lifestyle apprenticeships, consuming love affairs, late nights, laughing, eating, dancing while all the while slightly committing to the notion of a serious career via classes at Temple kept me engaged and excited about my life.  I yearned for the rarity and spiritual impression  of really loving life over a 401k, white house and picket fence any day. My focus was always to engage my heart spontaneously and genuinely rather than train my mind to arrange the logistics for “setting up my life”.

My heart has always been a victor over my head because 23 and pregnant, I submitted to the dictates of it and decided that “ready or not”- a child was going to come.

Now my head is playing catch up and tries to figure out how in the hell I got here.  “Hold the fuck up Shanti! How in the hell? I thought we were going in the right direction? I had us enrolled in college. You were doing well! I mean I knew you weren’t really sure what the hell you were learning and why but we both knew it made sense for your future. We were gonna figure it out later! How am I going to fix this. Why didn’t you listen to me???????”

So now I find myself stuck. Decisions have to be made about what my  next steps will be. I have choices in my life that demand that I either  listen to my dutiful head, be pragmatic and bite the bullet because it is “safe” or risk being directed by a short sighted heart that only knows of the beauty of the here and now. God knows listening to my heart has shown me things that have brought me to my knees due to the pain and beauty that were laid upon me. But I am older now and I can not so easily snap back. My desire and need for safety and security keep me anxious and needing focus.

I can’t seem to reconcile the two. I don’t want to live a life dominated and created by the cold, pragmatic mind which may look like it’s all together but is deprived of love, real freedom and soul stirring impressions. Nor do I want to end up with nothing…but good memories.

Who is leading your lives ladies? Your heart or your head? Which do you prefer lead? 

The Refutation of “Good Hair”

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A photo series by photographer Nakeya B explores the obsession and consumption of “good hair” within the black community. She writes…

“The historically used idiom “good hair” is re-contextualized to denote its literal meaning through a combination of portrait and still life imagery. The new visual interpretation criticizes the ideology that certain hair types are “good” which insinuates that hair types not fitting into that standard are less desirable and less beautiful. In each image a woman of is seen poised upright while consuming a handful of hair. Accompanying the portraits are a selection still life arrangements of plated hair sitting juxtaposed to a plate of traditional African-American dishes.

The series is a close examination of beauty, identity, and the Black womanhood in this current day and age.”

Shakara’s Reflections on Motherhood

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The honor of having my world turned upside down by you and your unexpected presence. The verge of motherhood is one of the most beautifully humbling spaces there is. It’s a feet first drop into a submission like no other. Especially when it’s unplanned.

 There are certain things you don’t even consider about your own existence until you are met with the mission of creating and preparing another life. We think we have a solid idea of what motherhood is until we have actual life within us. It’s an otherworldliness. A tiny little being with such grand presence resting in the center of not only our body but now, all of a sudden, our lives. Until I was pregnant myself, I’d never considered how much of an honor it was to sit in the womb of my own mother. I was prepared inside of her. The most beautiful person I know. I got to be there. Cared for, Loved by, and wanted by her. Also an unexpected pregnancy. Still she wanted me before she even knew me and was determined to see the challenge through. And she’s done so, AMAZINGLY. I think about that as I reflect on my friends’ loving comments of how lucky this child is to be living in the sunshine that is me :) Lucky to be in this body, apart of this mind, acquainted with this spirit, meshed with this soul. I take great pride in that Love and confirmation from them.

 But before I arrived at this confidence about to my impending mommyhood, before I’d even told a soul besides my partner and now co-creator, I was a well of confused emotions. For weeks I walked around in a daze not knowing how to feel about this little surprise, who I already loved more than anyone else. All of my “plans,” would now have to be changed, rearranged, canceled, or reconsidered. In my view, this year I was to be relocated to LA by spring, traveling to Bali in June, and in business for myself come fall. (I’m currently working on that last one). I’d spent much of 2012 begging the Universe for some sort of sign to lead me to what I should be doing with my life. What exactly was my purpose here on Earth? Every time I felt I was getting close, I’d be led in another direction. And now this.

 I knew that motherhood is not a life to enter into lightly or without careful thought. I also knew this couldn’t be a decision I based on anyone else’s opinions of my life and how they thought it should be. Somehow, people will always have opinions about things they’ve never even experienced. None of those should be considered. I was lucky not to have any of those meet my ears.

 One late night as I lay thinking in bed, it all became so utterly and beautifully clear. The answer was spoken in unmistakable words. Something beautiful is waiting if I’d just submit to Life. Say “Yes.” Breathe. Flow with it. The Universe’s view is much bigger than our own. I quickly came to realize that life is not just about MY plans. It’s all connected and I don’t have the full picture. I don’t have the best view. The Universe does. My view of it All is laughable in comparison.

 Yes, motherhood is bye-bye to the old me. I now know this to be the greatest blessing. I can now step into the greatest parts of myself. I must. I will have a little one watching and taking note of what a Queen is supposed to be. That’s a great privilege of motherhood. There is a strength that comes as you stand on the threshold of motherhood that cannot be explained. Once I heard one of my younger friends say while thinking out loud, “I bet when you become a mother, your ovaries turn into crystal balls.” Though half joking, she was perfectly right! Like Shanti said once to me, choosing motherhood is choosing “the path to expedited wisdom, purpose, and self growth.” I am thankful for that. It is an opportunity to birth the change I wish to see in the world. I now have someone not only whose wellbeing is counting on my success, but whose success is counting on my example. And I will be the best example. The best example of self-Love, presence, happiness, determination, perseverance, divine beauty, and unconditional Love. In 7 short weeks, I step into that nomination.

 It’s so amazing to carry a child. To be trusted with that task. With that kind of deciding power. My life was amazing before. Now it will never be the same. And for that, I am forever grateful to you my Sun Baby. Excited to meet you soon, my Love.

 P.S. I know all too well how important it is to feel supported during pregnancy. I’ve been blessed to have an AMAZING support system made up of sister-friends, family, and my partner. Please feel free to contact me about any and everything regarding pregnancy, natural childbirth, or WHATEVER! shakarajean@gmail.com. And I’m always lurking around Instagram: @zulu_newnew.

 Peace, Power, and Love to any of you beauties preparing for your own initiation into the world of motherhood. With or without your “planning.” ;) Thank you Shanti for your encouragement in the beginning of all this. Bless.

 

Shakara you look beautiful. Blessing to you and your new family. Good luck on your birth! You can do it mama!

What the Hell Makes You Think You Deserve 3rd day Hair?!

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So Antoinette and myself had a rather busy week. We hosted an event sponsored by O.R.S (formerly known as Organic Root Stimulator) and then two days later I headed to Lincoln University to speak on a panel about natural hair and beauty. The burning question in the hearts of so many newly naturals was “How do I get 3rd day hair?”. One lady asked the question and I swear the whole auditorium went ablaze with confirmation and similar sentiments. I sat back stunned. What pipe dream are these young women smoking and where the hell did it come from?
I don’t understand where newly naturals and even some veteran naturals get the idea that natural hair

1) Requires less work and maintenance then straight hair

2) You are guaranteed at least 7-10 days of not touching your hair and it looking freaking fabulous!

IT. DOES. NOT. WORK. LIKE. THAT!!! I think that people have it in their minds that their natural hair existence is supposed to be similar to the “chosen ones” such as Curly Nikki or Whitney of Naptural85 whose hair never stops growing or looking freaking fabulous whether it be day one or a month later. I want to make it clear right now er’body.  Natural hair requires maintainance and 9 times out of 10 you will need to revamp or REWET your hair after 2-3days.  I have to do it. Antoinette has to do and got dammit so will you! And this is the most important part that I want to emphasize -  ITS OK! Nothing is wrong with your hair, technique or character if your hair does not maintain the same freshness, definition or body on day 3 than it does on day one.
Your only human. Whoosah baby….
For some tips on trying to stretch out your styles click this link from a past post